Word Count – 1,179
Thanks to Cat for the beta with thanks to Bobby and Rob
“Well, that’s just stupid, Boston! Who’d write a song that sounded that dumb? The fella musta been drinkin’ too much.”
Scott laughed, then sipped the brandy in his glass. “Brother, it’s a classic Christmas song and has been sung for almost a hundred years!”
Johnny snorted, “A hundred years, huh? You’da thought someone could come up with better words than that! What the hell are ‘lords a-leapin’’ an’ ‘pipers pipin’ anyway?’’
“Johnny, it’s a happy, giddy song! It’s meant to make you smile and provoke light-hearted thoughts! It’s uplifting.” Then Scott realized his brother never had any reason to celebrate the nonsensical and frivolous aspects of the holiday season or life in general but could identify with the practical words of ‘six maids a-milking’ and swimming swans. There had been no room for anything that wasn’t functional in his life. And that thought inspired an idea. And it made Scott smile.
“Dang, if I gave ‘my true love’ drummers drummin’, she’da sent me packin’, an’ I wouldn’ta blamed her!” Johnny growled.
Teresa tried to hold back the giggles that desperately begged for release at the brotherly banter. Murdoch, though humored, suddenly found himself filled with regret and guilt over Johnny’s denied childhood. Well, he couldn’t change it now, so get on with life as it is, and he allowed the smile to tug at his lips.
Johnny yawned deep and long. The cold chilled him to the bone as he worked during the day, and all he wanted was the comfort of his warm bed, and here was Boston singin’ a stupid song that made no sense. Tomorrow would be a busy day as company came to visit and celebrate with Christmas cheer, and all Johnny wanted at the moment was to sleep.
“Goin’ ta bed. ‘Night.” And with a chorus of ‘goodnights’ behind him, Johnny made his way upstairs.
“Yes, I think I will turn in as well. Goodnight, Teresa, Murdoch!” Scott made his way to his room, but instead of going to bed, he sat at the small desk; he took a piece of paper, then contemplated the words he would write. The smile stretched across his face as he dipped the pen into the ink and began to write.
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The aromas filled the house, making it difficult to control the rumblings of empty bellies. Soon, the table was filled with a tasty meal and a few special treats. Appetites were sated, and conversations were enjoyed and mingled with the laughter of a family on Christmas morning.
“Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t eat another bite!” Murdoch declared. “I say we open presents!” Barely the words had left his mouth, and his grown children jumped from their chairs and headed for the great room. Murdoch could not hold back his joy as he witnessed the release of their inner child.
As they settled in their places, Scott cleared his throat to signal he wanted to speak. “It was brought to my attention that a certain well-known Christmas song was, and I quote, ‘stupid and sounded dumb’. So, in honor of my dear brother, I would like to give out the first present! I present to you the new, revised version of The Twelve Days of Christmas, Johnny style!” When the commotion quieted, Scott began to sing; his rich baritone voice filled the room and held his audience captive.
On the first day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
One loving father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the second day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Two treasured siblings and a father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the third day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Three dammed up streams, two treasured siblings, and a father with a mad that
rivaled his.
On the fourth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Four days in jail, three dammed up streams, two treasured siblings, and a father
With a mad that rivaled his.
On the fifth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Five golden steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams, two treasured
Siblings and a father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the sixth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Six drunken brawls, five golden steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams,
Two treasured siblings and a father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the seventh day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Seven cows a-calving, six drunken brawls, five golden steeds, four days in jail,
Three dammed streams, two treasured siblings, and a father with a mad that
That rivaled his.
On the eighth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Eight angry girlfriends, seven cows a-calving, six drunken brawls, five golden
Steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams, two treasured siblings, and a
Father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the ninth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Nine days under Sam’s care, eight angry girlfriends, seven cows a-calving, six
Drunken brawls, five golden steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams,
Two treasured siblings and a father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the tenth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Ten wild mustangs, nine days under Sam’s care, eight angry girlfriends, seven
Cows a-calving, six drunken brawls, five golden steeds, four days in jail, three
Dammed streams, two treasured siblings, and a father with a mad that rivaled
His.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Eleven days riding drag, ten wild mustangs, nine days under Sam’s care,
Eight angry girlfriends, seven cows a-calving, six drunken brawls, five golden
Steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams, two treasured siblings, and a
Father with a mad that rivaled his.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, his new life gave to him
Twelve shots of red-eye, eleven days riding drag, ten wild mustangs, nine days
Under Sam’s care, eight angry girlfriends, seven cows a-calving, six drunken
Brawls, five golden steeds, four days in jail, three dammed streams, two
Treasured siblings and a father with a mad that rivaled his.
“Merry Christmas, Johnny!” Scott added as Teresa and Murdoch voiced their happy, heartfelt wishes mixed with giggles and chuckles.
Now those were funny words! And Johnny howled with laughter! Then he managed to pull himself together, and suddenly he knew what that song meant. Scott’s clever insight helped him, yet again, to learn of things he’d never had to chance to experience as a child. And he was deeply touched.
“That, Boston, is about the best present I ever got! Thank you!”
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It was a very special Christmas as friends came to celebrate and spread the joy of togetherness. And Johnny Madrid Lancer had the best present of all. A new family and brother with a heart as big as California!
December, 2021
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PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT
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LOL I loved this! Johnny and Christmas songs are a theme this year. I could see him roll his eyes at 4 days in jail and 11 days riding drag LOL. This was great.
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Hey, Char! Yes, these were words that our hero could understand! Glad you liked it and thanks for the feedback!
Diana
Buckskin
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Very clever, works really well too when you sing this version! Thank you.
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Hi, Val! Most of the words fit alright… You’ve got no idea how many times I’ve sung this song to make sure the syllables were alright… kind of! Anyway, glad you liked it! Thank you!
Diana
Buckskin
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Love this! Great job fitting the lyrics to Johnny and the melody.
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Hi, Bev! I’m so glad you liked this story! It was a challenge and I can tell you I went through that song so many times, I was sick of it by the time the lyrics were as good as I could get them! Ha, I woke up during the night with silly song going through my head!
Thank you for sending feedback! It’s greatly appreciated!
Diana
Buckskin
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I also enjoyed the “new” Johnny version of The Twelve Days of Christmas. You did good. ;-). Lol
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Thank you, Crystle! Am happy you found this story amusing. It kind of fell into place during the Christmas season and I could hear Johnny commenting on the song with his ‘just plain stupid’ remark. But all 12 days fit Johnny to a ‘tee’! Thanks for reading and commenting!
Diana
Buckskin
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You always do Johnny proud, thank you 😊
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Oh, thank you, Ruby! This was a fun story to write, but I have to admit that the Twelve Days of Christmas song became very tiring after a while! Glad you liked it!
Diana
Buckskin
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